By DJ Jaffe

 

The event began with a processional into the crowd of pagans banging on plates and pulling wagons full of phragmites. The assembled masses on the dock took the phragmites and kept them hoisted in air throughout the event making a photogenic event. There were a lot of people.

 

I was assisted by the BridgeHenge-etts: Andrea D’amato, Birdie Freitag, Trudy Slarks, Angie O’Reagan. They anointed the alter with incense, handed out the phragmites, and gave everyone chalk with which to write on the dock their messages to the God of BridgeHenge. (There are pictures in the FH Facebook page)

 

I welcomed the crowd, reading the 5 commandments of BridgeHenge (you have those) and then I introduced Gene Levy as

 

 “the high priest of Fair Harbor, the longest serving leader of the Fair Harbor Community Association, or any community association  in the world, a rennaisance man who’s traveled Fair Harbor from Bayberry in the Far East to Spruce in the Far West, he’s seen it all, the Forest Gump of Fair Harbor, the Maestro of email, the Sultan of Sarongs, our Holy Reverend  the Rightous and Sometimes Honorable Gene Levy.

 Gene gave an invocation:

“Our sun who art in Fair Harbor. Bridgehenge be thy name. Our ferry comes, our red wagons run, on Broadway as they do on Central. Give us this day our daily bagel, and forgive us our Pioneer debts, as we have forgiven nobody ever. And lead us not into too much temptation, but deliver us from the mainland. Amen"

 

After Gene, I explained FH was settled by our ancestors:

This is an ancient annual celebration (as of two years ago) that occureth on that celebrated day as foretold by the astronomers of yore, when the evening sun doth set directly betwixt the pillars of captree bridge as viewed from thy Fair Harbor dock.

We have been blessed by the God of Bridgehenge with the best BridgeHenge ever because there is no sun. And as you know, the ancient scrolls on which the holiday is based specifically say, "When BridgeHenge Occurith on a Day with Not Sun, thy Fair Harborites shall have more prosperity and Happiness in the following year, than they doth deserve!” So we should feel lucky there was no sun

Now, some may ask why does it not settle exactly in the middle? Well, that’s because the work was done by Fair Harbor Contractors and you know how they are.

Why do we celebrate Bridgehenge? Or as some of you here might put it, why is this day different than any other.    

Truth be told, there are actually two Bridgehenges. When the sun circles the earth (which we all know it does because our ancestors said so) on it’s way out, and when it circles, the earth on the way back.  The first time is settles on the bridge has forver been called Bridgehenge the lesser, and the second time is Bridgehenge the greater. Our ancestors celebrated Bridgehenge the greater. Over in OB they were going to celebrate Bridgehenge the lesser, but that’s against their rules.

Why do we celebrate? For those who weren’t here last year, 

We celebrate Bridgehenge to honor our ancestors.  Our ancestors came to Fair Harbor from foreign lands  like the Bronx, Manhattan and Queens. (Actually the Queens went to Cherry Grove, but some came here). Many others came from distant shores like north shore, south shore, and Bay Shore. 

Our ancestors gave up the old country and crossed in boats to the new world, with some trips lasting as long as 35 minutes.

Some were stuffed below deck for the entire voyage. They arrived with little more than the shirts on their backs and their shorts in an LL Bean bag.

Our Fair Harbor ancestors were not rich people; they didn’t have a lot of cash. Many arrived with little more than an American express card. They were Pioneers and named the Pioneer Market after themselves. You see, like other true proven leaders, our ancestors   were   narcissists.

And yet they persevered. Conditions were much different back then.

Conditions were so primative,  that our ancestors had to take showers outdoors.

There were no roads back then. They only had narrow wooden walks that allowed them to go house to house. 

There were no cars, so rather than drive to the liquor store, they had to walk, sometimes over 7 blocks 

And there no horses or donkeys so to transport goods, you’re not going to beleive this, our ancestors had to be their own donkeys and pull wagons behind them.

It was a dangerous town, and the only protection there was, was to hide their keys in the outdoor showers and sheds so no  one would find them. That’s how primative it was.

In spite of these handicaps, our ancestors joined together and created a great community. Our ancestors found in Fair Harbor a land of opportunity. They discovered that in Fair Harbor, a day-tripper could turn into a renter. A renter could turn into an owner. And an owner could turn into an overcharging landlord.  

And look where we are today! 

We have the same outdoor showers, the same walk to the store, and pull the same wagons behind us.

Folks, that’s how we honor Our ancestors. We don’t accomplish a damn thing. 

Because if we do anything, then the terrorists win. You know who they are.

To prevent that, We’ve got to secure the borders! 

The real estate agents are not sending us their best renters. The renters coming in today ride their bikes too fast, and don’t say ‘on your left. That’s not the Fair Harbor our ancestors worked for.

Sad. Very sad.

You used to be able to go into the Pioneer and buy a hot dog made in America. Now they have pasta from Italy, kielbasa from Poland, bread from France and cheese from Swiss.  What’s wrong with American cheese?  

But things are looking up. Look what’s happened in just the  last year. 

And it’s all because we elected Gene to lead us and celebrated BridgeHenge.

After Sandy, Gene sent an email that said we will build a dune and we did build a dune.

Gene said  Islip will pay for the dune. And he was right. Islip paid for the dune

Gene said we’d improve our infrastructure and build bridges and we did. OVer every dune. Bridges that will probably last longer than anyone of us.

Thanks to Gene, the economy is booming. Kids as young as five and six years old now make a living selling lemonade.  Real estate is booming. So many Little red wagons  line the dock at sixish, you can’t find a space anymore.  Painted seashells that used to cost 75 cents now command $1.00! 

So that is why we Celebrate BridgeHenge 

Because that’s what Makes Fair Harbor Great Again.  Believe me. 

I then introduced Ed Rosenkrantz who played a banjo with gag lyrics about Bridgehenge. (There’s a video on FB page

I then introduced Belinda Glass who used to be the cantor at FH Holy day services. She sung gagging up lyrics to Aquarius. (“This is the age of Fair Harbor….”)  (There’s a video on Facebook page)

 

I then took the mike and gagged about FAKE NEWS. (I  don’t have notes, here are some I remember)

There is a lot of FAKE NEWS about Fair Harbor. You know how the media is: all Fake NEWS.

It is Fake News that pioneer prices are higher than they will ever be in the future

It is Fake News that people in Fair Harbor say ‘on your left, because everyone in Fair Harbor is on the left”

It is Fake News that the reason the fire car we gave to the fire chief has 65,000 miles on it because he fights a lot of fires in Fair Harbor

It is Fake News that Jerry DeMeo played guitar at his own birth

It is Fake News that BridgeHenge is a Fake Holiday

It is Fake News that there is such a thing as a good guest who cleans up after himself

It is Fake News that in Fair Harbor every day tripper becomes a renter, and then an owner and then a greedy landlord.

(There were a lot of others, but I don’t remember and lost my notes)

 

Mitch Hubsher then led a chant (God to the east! God to the west!….)

 

We then had the traditional BridgeHenge Hokey Pokey

You put your phragmites in

You put your phragmites out.

You put your phragmites  in

And you shake it towards le dock.

You look at Bridgehenge sunset as you turn yourself about

That’s what bridgeneng’s  about

 

You put your drink  in

You put your drink out.

You put your drink  in

And you shake it towards le dock.

You look at Bridgehenge sunset as you turn yourself about

That’s what were all about

Caroline Laskow put on a showing of award winning painted shells from a Fair Harbor Contest she arranged

 

Then Nicole DeMeo came to the front looking all diaphanous and mermaid-ish to reprise her role as a human sacrifice. The masses made a long processional canopy with their phragmites and she sauntered down it to the Miss. American Theme Song

                                                                              -

and then did a glorious aquatic dive into the ocean to sacrifice herself to the God of BridgeHenge so that we may all live happier healthier lives.

 

Finally, Diane Sweet (a very terrific singer)  performed some loungey songs with BridgeHenge Lyrics and some regular songs.

 

 

Nicole & DJ                           photos by Nancy Lou Capizzi

 

                                          

 Photos by Andrea D’amato.

 

Fun time had by all.  Lots of community participation.

 

The lack of an actual sunset did not seem to dampen anyone’s spirits because they had their own spirits in cups.

Next year BridgeHenge will be on July 18 (the nearest saturday before actual date). Am looking for more people willing to be foolish

 

                                                      Photo by Andrea D’amato.